Still Falling...

I never called him back. I know, I know, this means that I probably committed another mortal dating sin but I honestly hoped I would run into him. Afterall for the past few months I had been seeing him at the park a few times a week. It's been more than 2 weeks and I haven't seen him. And too much time has passed for me to call him...Right?

For work today, I spent 6 hours driving. This means that I had A LOT of time to obsess over the Dog Park Guy, because, well...I had nothing else to think about for 6 hours (what, why would I think about work when I don't have to?). For the first 3 hours, I had completely convinced myself that it was a lost cause. If he liked me he would have called, right? Or I would have run into him, right? He's probably been avoiding me, which is why I haven't run into him. Ok, argument over...I'm not calling him.

On my way home, I got a voice message on my cell phone. No, it wasn't from him...calm yourselves down! After listening to that message, it automatically went to my next 'skipped' message. It was his message from weeks ago. That I had totally forgot I never deleted. Hmmm, it got me thinking that maybe I shouldn't cross him off as a lost cause. Yes, I realize I sound like a crazed, obsessed, pathetic girl....but like I said, I had nothing better to think about.

It's about 2 pm by now. I'm headed back to work and I've now started to convince myself that maybe, just maybe, I should call him. He's at work right now, so I can call, leave a message and put the ball in his court. "Right?" " Yeah!" "Ok, just do it!" Ummm, somehow my fingers don't get the whole "just do it part." They got stuck on "Yeah!" So here I am, driving through the Nevada desert with a bunch of fingers that are only on step 2 of this 3 step program. Maybe they are stuck in the denial stage? Haven't quite moved onto that whole acceptance thing...

So there I am...for the next hour, arguing with my fingers over that last step. Every time I convince them to go forward, my phone loses it's signal. And there we are back to arguing. It's 3:45 now and I am almost back at work. I know once I get back to my office, I will be enveloped in the whirlwind of chaos that taken over my office lately, and I know I won't be around tomorrow so this is my last chance (this is the delusional talking it took to talk myself...or more correctly, my fingers, in the making that phone call). Of course, now the problem is that he is probably home from work and my whole idea of just leaving him a message has to be replaced by what I would actual do if he answered.

Then, all the sudden, they (my fingers) finally press the call button before my mind actually realized that we came to an agreement on this subject. Hmmm, the phone is ringing. Ummm, what the hell do I say if (a) I get an answering machine or (b) he answers the phone. Fuck, shit, what do I say?

"Hello." It was him.

We talked. It wasn't bad. Not bad at all. He sounded excited to talk to me but didn't broach the subject of doing something (as if I would be calling him for any other reason....I haven't called him in 2 years 'just because'). So finally, when we got to a pause in the conversation, I finally said "Well I was just calling to see what your plans for this weekend were? I thought if you weren't busy you might want to do something?" I won't go into the details, but he is busy during the days (building something, he's a handy manly man) but if he's not too tired at night, "he would love to do something". "He'll call me later this week." "But if not this weekend, definitely next weekend."

What is happening to me? Do I not get the picture? I have now asked this guy out twice and still don't have a straight fucking answer from him! Here's the deal with me. It takes me a really long time to actually start something...anything. But once I start, I have a really hard time focusing on anything else until it's finished. That means, for those of you who can't put 2 and 2 together, than I think I have to keep asking him out until I get a definitely answer one way or another.

So now, even though the ball is in his court, I am the one bouncing off the walls.