Money Matters

I have the opportunity to go to Cozumel, Mexico for a week at the end of January with my mom and some of her friends. Have I shared with you all the intense pleasure I get from travelling to far away places, especially far away places that have warm sandy beaches on which I could lounge on or lay my towel on while I am out frolicking in the water? I haven't seriously travelled since I went to Australia MORE THAN 2 YEARS AGO! I stress that because from the time I turned 14 I have taken a serious trip (more than 1 week) to a foreign country AT LEAST once a year with the exception of my junior and senior years in high school. Not that I haven't been anywhere since I went to Australia; I've been to Seattle many times, San Francisco, Southern Cali, etc. but domestic trips just don't have the same meaning to me. First of all, those trips are never as long. A weekend here or a few days there just don't count as a vacation for me. A vacation isn't really a vacation unless it is at least 5 days, and travel days do not count as vacation days in my book. And they can't center around some big event. Vacations should be completely centered around what the person taking them wants to do, not around someone else's 'big day'. I take my vacations very seriously!

My problem...I have plenty of vacation time (thanks to the fact that I work a zillion hours a week, I have plenty of 'comped hours' since I am on salary and don't earn overtime). I can easily take the time off. The problem is that I have no money. Not in the sense that my bank account hovers around zero all the time, but more in the sense that I have a lot of credit card debt. And by a lot I mean many thousands of dollars of credit card debt...more than $5,000 but less than $15,000 (it's like my age, I won't reveal the actual number). Most of this debt originated while I was going to college; car repairs, field studies classes that weren't covered by my scholarships, dental work since I didn't have insurance, etc. Although there was definitely the occasional shopping trip or expensive meal out, the majority of the debt were from things I felt it was important for me to take care of or do even if it meant putting them entirely on my credit cards. Since I graduated, I almost immediately bought a condo. I also got a job earning less than I had ideally hoped to be earning (I say 'ideally' because I think I overestimated what I thought I would be earning because, while I do think I am slightly underpaid, I am getting paid a pretty decent salary+benefits). Because of this, I got myself into a situation that I can afford, most months. Some months I spend more than I earn and the difference gets put on the credit cards. I also have no extra cash to work towards paying off the debt, I simply keep it at bay until hopefully either my condo goes up in value and I can sell it or I start earning more than I spend. So I don't really have the money to go on a big trip.

My parents know my financial situation and because my mom wants me to go on the trip (because she wants to spend time with me and because she knows how much I love traveling) my parents offered to pay a very large chunk of the costs. I would probably end up spending about $300.00 max on 8 day trip. It all seems easy enough but I have a very hard time taking money from people and so I haven't said yes or no on whether I am going...but I have to make up my mind by tomorrow and I don't know what to do!

For the most part, while my parents are great people and helped me out the best they could, they have contributed very little financially to me since I turned 18. I lived with them while I went to college (which really did save me a lot of money), but I paid for my college education through scholarships, grants and loans. I also worked part time during college to give me spending money. They also gave me the down payment for my condo, but as an investment for them, because when I sell my condo the money (plus a little extra based on what I sell it for) goes back to them. But they have never paid for my cars, my cell phones, my clothes, my rent, my credit card payments or anything else since I turned 18. On the other hand, my sister, for many many years, accepted money from my grandma (on the sum of a few hundred dollars a month) to help her out while she went to school, etc. I am not going to go into this right now, because it is something I struggled with for many many years, but in the end I was glad I never asked for money from my grandma (because she never offered it to me...like I said, a whole 'nother story). I saw the control she had over my sister because she had control over my sister's survival and I was so thankful I was never in that position. But seeing that also made me very hesitant to take large amounts of money from anyone. I struggled for a long time before I let my parents lend me the money for the down payment for my condo, but I finally realized that my parents would never hold it over me and never demand anything in return, just happily accept the profit they made off of their portion of the investment they made by buying additional real estate. The money they want to give me for the trip isn't a loan, it is simply a gift but I am still struggling with accepting it. I have spent so much time trying to be this independent women who can support herself (although it's obviously not working ideally since I still have the credit card debt, but I'm on my way there) that I haven't exactly learned how to accept gifts, even from my own parents, when there isn't an occasion for them (graduation, marriage, holidays). A gift should be such a simple thing to accept but when it comes down to it relating to money, it is very stressful for me to just accept it as that which it is...a gift from my parents to help me do something I would really enjoy doing.

So what do you think I should do? Accept this gift from my parents and get over my stupid "I'm an independent women who is denying herself something she really wants because she can't get over some bitterness she has over her grandma treating her unfairly" or suck it up and say "no I can't go, I really don't have the money, even with your help, because I need to focus on paying off my debt before I go spending any large amount of money"?