The Mall

I hung out at the mall on Sunday. Not really by choice, more by necessity. Our local mall has a Sear's and part of that is they have a Sear's auto center. And my car needed new tires, so I dropped it off and they told me it would be 2-2 1/2 hours. F.U.N. So I went to the mall to return some items. Bad idea. I avoid the mall like the Black Plague! On the rare occasions I actually go to the mall, it's a quick in and out just to get my business done. I haven't "hung out" at the mall since I was in middle school. When I was in middle school, the mall was only about 4 blocks away. This meant, that as conniving teen agers, me and my friends somehow convinced our parents to let us walk to and hang out at the mall after school for a few hours. Apparently this is still the cool thing to do for teenagers. And on Sundays it is also, apparently, the most popular family bonding event. It was OVERRUN with families with screaming children, snotty teenagers and obligatory PDA couples. You all know I am single. Most days I still want children. After leaving the mall on Sunday I had myself fully convinced I NEVER wanted to have a child, that's how bad it was. Sooooo...instead of spending money I didn't have, or dealing with the screaming mass of people in the mall, I hibernated in the Borders Express. The quiet solitude of the bookstore. Ahhhhhh, it was like putting in ear plugs the second I walked through those florescent-lit doors. No more screaming children, no more snotty teenagers, just the crazy old man sitting in the corner whispering to himself. After perusing the bargain books, I found a quite little bench in the cooking section and planted myself for the next 2 hours. I looked at about a zillion cookbooks and then proceeded to buy "The Omnivore's Dilemma" and "In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto" by Michael Pollan because I couldn't justify buying ANOTHER cookbook! I might have also bought a bargain version of a karma sutra book...because remember, I have no money! And it's not like I am getting any action, but at least when I finally do, I'll know what I am doing (or...well..at least the bargain bin moves!). But, the point of this entire story is: HOW COOL AM I? I hang out the mall all afternoon and where was I, not in the food court, not looking at expensive shoes, but hibernating in the book store. I am such a dork!

Another brief highlight from my trip to the mall. I had to return some bra's at Lane Bryant. As I was walking through the store, right past a set of dressing rooms, I hear the following conversation between husband and wife:

Husband (from outside the dressing room): "As long as it's not blue or green"
Wife (from inside the dressing room): "WHAT?"
Husband: "Huh, what. I didn't say anything."

Such a brief glimpse into the glory that is the male-female relationship but it was hilarious to hear the husband totally talking shit behind his wife's back, and denying every bit of it to her face.