Dear Sir,
I realize that I was the one that sat down next to you. This was not a choice. I would have preferred to sit all the way in the back to avoid sitting next to a stranger at the movies but we needed 3 empty sits and there happen to be 3 seats next to you so alas, I had to sit next to you because my friends didn't want to sit all the way in the back. For your future reference (and for any poor soul's sake that gets stuck sitting next to you at the movies), please keep the following things in mind:
1) Just because I sat down next to you, does not mean I WANTED to sit next to you. There were in fact 3 empty seats on the other side of you as well and you could have easily moved over one seat to put a nice neutral territory between us. I promise I won't get mad and think that you think that I smell or that I am fat and overflowing my seat. In fact, next time I think I might not take a shower before I go to the movies and possibly consider stuffing a pillow under my shirt so you do indeed think that I smell and that I am too fat so you do move over one seat.
2) Just because I am sitting next to you, DOES NOT mean that I want YOU to respond the snide comments I make TO MY FRIENDS during the movie. If this is a lame attempt to flirt, eww gross, you were like 50 and if you just wanted someone to chat with, well I am sorry but I am not that person. It also creeped me out a little bit that every time I laughed you looked over at me because, yes we did laugh at the same parts of the movie, BUT SO DID EVERYONE ELSE IN THE THEATER...IT'S A COMEDY, THEY PLAN FOR THAT!
3) And last but definitely most importantly....IF YOU HAVE TO BURP DURING THE MOVIE, DO NOT ASSUME THAT I ENJOY THE SMELL OF THE NASTY ASS STANK COMING FROM YOUR MOUTH AND PLEASE TRY TO BLOW IT IN THE DIRECTION THAT NO-ONE IS SITTING. Seriously, once or twice I would have overlooked this disgusting act but I smelled your disgusting burps every time of the AT LEAST 10 times you felt you needed to burp during the movie.
Sincerely,
The Poor Girl Stuck Sitting Next to you at the Movies on Saturday
Sunday, July 1, 2007
An Open Letter to the Guy I Was Forced to Sit Next to at the Movies.
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2 comments:
this is hilarious. the burps are grossing me out. icky pooey
however if you were to sit next to my pregnant ass at the theater I wouldn't be any better with all my burping and farting and sobbing...yeah pregnancy its a bitch. at least he didn't offer to share popcorn with you! awww but then you coulda held hands in the bucket, wait, they don't serve buckets anymore...and dammit now i want to drive to the movies for some butter with a side of popcorn!
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